Healthy Anger -- How to Recognize It

To determine whether your anger is healthy or destructive, ask yourself these questions:

• When I feel angry, how angry do I get -- do I get out of control, not thinking about what I am saying or doing? Or do I step back for a moment and think about what I want to say and what I want to do?
• What kinds of situations most often make me angry -- am I aware of my personal anger triggers, or do I "fly off the handle" in a wide variety of situations?
• How do I and the people around me feel after I've expressed anger -- do I feel guilty or remorseful for the way I handled the situation, and do the people around me feel hurt or offended?

If you get out of control, fly off the handle, and feel guilt or remorse when the angry incident has passed, your anger is unhealthy, and it's time to change your unhealthy reaction to anger before it progresses.

Healthy anger feels very different. You know your anger is healthy when you are able to:

• Feel your anger
• Take a step back to explore its source
• Think about whether it's worth addressing and, if so,
• Use "I messages" to express how you're feeling and
• Respectfully state what changes you would like to see in the other person's behavior or in the situation.

You come away from a healthy expression of anger feeling satisfied that you handled it well. Because you have not hurt or offended those around you, they are better able to respond to your feelings and work with you to reach a resolution.