Emotions Follow Thoughts II

When you become angry, it's because your thoughts have triggered your anger. Everyone has their own set of personal trigger thoughts that can easily set them off. Notice the dominant role played by your trigger thoughts, regardless of which of the following cycles is engaged:

One cycle begins when either an event occurs or a stressor develops. The event or stressor leads to a trigger thought. The trigger thought makes you angry. You get another trigger thought. You get angrier. You might have another trigger thought, and you get still angrier. The cycle feeds on itself, and your thoughts continue to fuel your anger. Suppose you've made a date to meet a friend for lunch, and your friend doesn't show up. You sit in the restaurant thinking about how this isn't the first time this friend has stood you up. This triggers your anger. You remember another time when this friend had let you down. You get angrier. How will you respond if your friend arrives or calls at this point?

The other cycle begins when you're minding your own business and suddenly a trigger thought pops into your head. The thought makes you angry. You get another trigger thought that makes you angrier...and so on. In this cycle, nothing in particular has happened to trigger your thought, but it's there nonetheless. Here's an example: Evening is approaching and you wonder whether your significant other will have to work late again. You think about how you've spent the past two evenings watching TV alone. You blame your partner for your loneliness. Your thoughts make you angry. You have the further thought that your partner doesn't really care about being at home with you. You get angier. How might you react when your partner finally walks through the door?

If you recognize that you are going around and around in either of these cycles, imagine yourself stepping out of the cycle and looking at the situation with an objective eye. You'll probably realize that in fact your friend has been there for you many times in the past, or that actually your partner has no choice but to finish that project at work.