The Upside of Anger

The Upside of Anger is not only the title of a 2005 film starring Kevin Costner and Joan Allen. It is actually something that you can experience in your life on a regular basis. Surely anger has its downside -- but, to paraphrase from ancient Asian wisdom, the front is as big as the back. There's a yin and a yang to anger -- a light side and a shadow side. When we manage our anger appropriately, it serves as a useful tool, signaling to us that something is not quite right. You're probably familiar with that feeling in your gut when something doesn't sit well with you. It usually precedes anger. You might decide to ignore it, but it doesn't really go away. The person, situation, or issue is still there, nagging away at you. The next time this happens to you, pay attention to the signal. Ask yourself what's bothering you. Then ask yourself whether your angry thoughts are justified. Sometimes they are, and sometimes they're not. If you decide that you have a reason to be angry, find a way to calmly express what you are feeling. Let someone know what behavior or what situation is troubling you. Tell them specifically what behavior you would pefer, or how you would like the situation to be different. If you allow yourself to take advantage of this upside of anger, you may be pleasantly surprised at how often others will respond in a positive way.

Anger Is Like a Power Tool

Let's talk about power tools for a moment. Power tools can be dangerous, but when we use them in the right way, in the right situations, they are very useful. A power drill makes drilling a hole a lot easier. An electric saw saves us from the sweaty job of cutting wood manually. Rather than dismissing these as "too dangerous," we use them, fully aware of their potential to harm, but cautiously enough so that they do not harm us or the people around us.

Anger is the same way. It clearly has the potential to harm us and the people around us, but it does not have to be dangerous. We do not have to avoid it completely. It can be used as a productive tool to help us express what we're feeling, what's troubling us, and what our needs and wants are in any given situation. Use your power tools -- and your anger -- wisely. If you're not sure how to use either, find someone who can show you how!