Angry Feelings Are Natural; Anger Behavior is Learned

Many people reach adulthood without ever learning how to respond to anger in a healthy way. Kids tend to imitate their parents. If parents express anger in hurtful ways or fail to express it at all, their children will follow their example. In some families, adults unexpectedly react angrily over seemingly minor situations. In others, people frequently snap at each other with impatience. In still others, anger is pent up, leaving each person to simmer and act moody, dwelling privately on bad feelings and resentment. Finally, there are those families who deny anger because they believe they "shouldn't" ever be angry. However a family chooses to deal with anger will have a significant impact on the children. How the children learn to react to anger and experience it early in their development will affect how they will react to anger and experience it later on as adults.

The good news is that behaviors that have been learned can be unlearned, and new behaviors can take their place. It takes a willingness to observe yourself, a clear idea of how you would like to do things differently, conscious effort to change your behavior, and the ability to be patient with yourself when you fall back into old patterns.