Engage a Self-Check Before Engaging Angry Words

When our anger is provoked, our first tendency may be to "let the other person have it -- but good!" While it may feel good in the moment to do this, in the long run it can ruin relationships and cause costly and unnecessary problems. Before we open our mouths, it's a good idea to step back and ask ourselves a few questions that may help us to put the situation into perspective:

• What exactly am I angry about?
• What did the other person do or not do that provoked me? (Focus on the other person's behavior, not the other person's motives for doing or not doing something. Believe me, if you ascribe motives you'll only get angrier, and your assumptions may not be valid!)
• Do I have the right to be angry about this? (If you're honest with yourself, you'll see that sometimes your anger-povoking thoughts are justified, and sometimes they're just not.)
• If my thoughts are justified, how can I express my feelings firmly but in a way that won't deeply hurt the other person?