Anger Traps

            No one intentionally wants to get caught in a trap. It happens by accident, and once you’re in it, you need either to use a key or to understand the mechanism involved so that you can navigate your way out of it. The same holds true for anger traps. You don’t see them coming. Anger traps most often occur when you think a person should act in a certain way but doesn’t. You get caught in the trap and it takes a lot of effort to get out of it.

            There are five common anger traps:

·        Entitlement. The belief underlying entitlement is that you should get something just because you want it. You say things like, “They should appreciate my work.” Actually, aside from the fundamental rights that are afforded to us by the U.S. Constitution, you are not entitled to anything.

·        Fairness. If you believe that things should be fair, you’ll get caught in the anger trap over and over. Life is not fair.

·        Self-Righteousness. You are not always right, and you don’t always have to have the last word. If you find yourself often saying, “No, it’s not that way, it’s….” your judgmental approach will trap you.

·        Conditional Assumptions. When you say, “If you cared about me, you would….” or “ If he were really my friend, he’d….” your assumption that their behavior reflects the way they feel about you will catch you every time.

·        Control. When you try to control everything and everyone around you, you will frequently feel frustrated and angry.

When you get caught in one of these traps, you really believe that you are justified for getting angry, and it’s difficult to see a situation from any perspective other than your own. It’s helpful to have a trusted friend who will first listen and empathize with how you feel but then help you out of the trap.