The Anger Family

Normal, Healthy Anger has two cousins whom we can call the "black sheep" of the Anger Family. They are neither normal nor healthy. Their names are Attitude and Behavior.

Attitude is hostile, cynical, arrogant, complains all the time, views everything in a negative light, and believes that everyone owes her something. When she comes to visit, she sticks around for a long time -- the uninvited house guest who doesn't know when to leave.

Behavior, Attitude's brother, is physically aggressive. He engages in hurtful actions, and sometimes even gets violent. He likes to dwell within people who don't care what others think or how they feel.

There are steps you can follow to take the power away from Attitude and Behavior. First, become aware of your "hot self talk." Replace it with cool self talk. The thoughts that run through your mind affect the way you feel. If you entertain hot thoughts, you will make Attitude and Behavior feel very welcome. Secondly, put some space between an anger-provoking event and your response. Attitude and Behavior are impulsive. They like to respond immediately, without giving any thought to how their response may affect those around them. If you take time to think before responding, Attitude and Behavior will get bored and leave.

Think of your mind and body as your house. You have control over who lingers and who must go. If you want to maintain healthy relationships, Attitude and Behavior need to hit the road.