Anger Cycles

Anger can be triggered in one of two ways:

• Cycle 1: This cycle starts with an incident or stressor that generates Trigger Thoughts. These Trigger Thoughts often involve something that we've taken out of context. The Trigger Thoughts make you angry. Your anger leads to more Trigger Thoughts. You get angrier. And so the cycle continues, on and on and on. As long as you continue to think Trigger Thoughts, your anger will escalate. For example, suppose a friend stands you up for a lunch date. As you sit in the restaurant, you think about other times in the past when this friend has let you down (Trigger Thoughts). You feel hurt and angry, and you think of even more ways in which you've been disappointed by this friend (Trigger Thoughts). You feel more hurt and more angry....and so on and so on.
• Cycle 2: This cycle can begin any time, any place. You're sitting minding your own business, and suddenly a Trigger Thought pops into your head. Nothing in particular has occurred to give you this thought, but it's there nonetheless. The Trigger Thought makes you stressed and angry, and you get more Trigger Thoughts. You get more stressed and even angrier. Again, the cycle is self perpetuating. Here's an example of Cycle 2: You wonder whether your partner will work late at the office again tonight. You've spent the past two evenings at home alone, watching TV. You imagine yourself doing the same tonight, and anticipate feeling lonely. Your loneliness creates stress, and the stress leads to anger. You begin to think, "He/She doesn't care about how I feel." More hurt, loneliness, anger. More Trigger Thoughts. Before you know it, you've worked yourself into a stew, and it all started with one Trigger Thought. 

In either of these examples, because your anger has been swept up into a cycle, when you finally do see your friend or your partner you will most likely lash out at him/her or give them the "silent treatment." Instead, when you're angry, see if you can identify which cycle you're in. Challenge your Trigger Thoughts. Interrupt the cycle. If you can do that, you will avoid the escalation of your anger, and improve your ability to address the situation in a more productive way, without damaging a relationship.