Anger Styles in Families

Families manage anger in different ways, and often those ways are unhealthy. In fact, rarely do I encounter clients who describe having come from a family that embraced the feeling of anger in a healthy manner.

Some clients recall feeling puzzled over the unpredictable anger of other family members who unexpectedly reacted angrily over seemingly minor situations. In some families people frequently snap at each other with impatience. In other families, anger is pent up, leaving each person to simmer and act moody, dwelling privately on bad feelings and resentment. They may eventually explode by shouting or hitting; other times, they continue to deny the anger.

Families who deny anger usually hold the belief that they "shouldn't" feel angry. They try to sweep it under the rug. The problem with this approach is twofold: First, it affects other family members who don't know whether the prson is angry at them or at someone else, and secondly, it undoubtedly foments into bitterness and ill will.

However a family chooses to deal with anger will have a significant impact on the children. How the children are taught to react to anger and experience it early in their development will affect how they will react to anger and experience it laater on as adults.